March, 1977
Dear God,
My take home pay is $377.00 monthly. From that amount I save
$50 a month. I have no reason to save that amount, but it makes
Dad satisfied. I have no expenses coming up except possibly
another car. I believe that You can help me get a good cheap car.
I must have some money for my own to spend....to feel free. The
only real expense is gasoline and it is so expensive, but not
like other countries.
What I am about to say is no quick decision. It has been something
You’ve been showing me over the past 2 years. Only You know what
You’re leading up to.
I know a lot can be done through money to help Your cause. I believe
that I have the gift of giving. Please, God, I desire that You prosper me
financially so I can give richly back to You. There is a lot of money floating
around in this world; please send some of it my way to give back
to You.
Before the end of May, I vow to give You $300 more than my
10 percent tithe. Last year I wanted to know what it would be
like to give You $200 a month....well, with You helping me, I
will find out. For even the money I give back to You comes
finally from You.
March 23, 1997
Looking over my money left until my next paycheck I was
depressed. I really didn’t have a lot. The Avon lady
was coming over with a bill of $11.27. I had the money
but I didn’t feel I had enough to last until the next pay
check. I asked God what He was going to do about it.
The Avon lady came apologizing for not being able
to completely fill my order. The bill was only
$8.27. I gained $3.
Sunday, June 31, 1977
Just got back for a wonderful week at the mission’s
conference. I now know that the conference was
where God wanted me to go. I was spiritually refreshed
and specifically motivated. For the
next year my monthly expenses will be at least:
$90 general expenses, $35 sponsorship of 1 hour program
to Russia, 1 one-half hour program to Vietnam and now
1 fifteen minute program to India, $40 support of the family
from Vietnam, $54 my church tithe and $14.90 life insurance
Monday, August 1, 1977
A verse I want to study and mediate is Proverbs 21:26:
He coveteth greedily all the day long: but the righteous
giveth and spareth not.
Saturday, August 6, 1977
Dear God,
In Matthew 6:33 You say: But seek ye first the kingdom
of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall
be added unto you.
So first, if we seek after Thy kingdom You promise
to supply our needs.
And second, in Psalms 145:19 we are told: He will fulfil
the desire of them that fear him: he also will hear their
cry, and will save them.
God, for the past 2 years You’ve been showing me about
the idea of giving. What You want from me, I don’t know,
but there is one thing I really desire. I want to be a channel
in which You can financially help further Your work on earth.
Thank You, God, for fulfilling my desires!
August 12, 1977
Monday is pay day. I am now down to a quarter tank of gas,
but I have $4 left. I am to take Susan to Youth for Christ
tomorrow night.
Just 25 minutes ago Susan called saying she had a $2 off ticket
on a Pizza Hut pizza. She indicated that she wanted to go there
and eat before going on to YFC. I told her that we would
do that; I then hung up the phone. I might not run out of gas
before Monday is over, but I don’t want to risk it. I need to put
$2 worth of gasoline in my car. I asked God to do something
to help me out because I’m trying to rely on Him to financially
meet my needs.
Susan just called and said her mother thought it would be better
if she didn’t eat out tomorrow night.
Tuesday, August 16, 1977
I thought this morning how I knew more about my dog, Ginger,
than I know about God. How dreadful to know more about a dog
than God.
When will men learn that the most important thing in an individual’s
life is the relationship he has between his soul and God?
August 17, 1977
How can I go about doing God’s service? The only way I can do it
and am enabled to do it is by me being dethroned and by being filled
with God’s very essence. Then I can “rest” in Him. The Lord’s
Prayer says: “.....for Thine is the Kingdom....” How can I expect
Him to do things through me if I don’t allow Him to have my own
kingdom...the kingdom of my mind, soul, and body?
I prayed that God would enable me to sponsor a 15 minute
program into Thailand and also the Philippines.
I also asked God for a pair of winter shoes and some winter clothes.
August 16, 1977
I have raised my request of two 15 minute programs per month.
I now want two 1 hour programs per month.
In prayer today I discovered I had presupposed that the next year
would be a year of financial testings. I had dared to presuppose God.
August 20, 1977
With much struggle today, I wrote out the first month’s check
for the sponsorship of two 1 hour programs One program is for the
Philippines and the other is for Thailand.
I wanted to do it, but I didn’t think I could consistently stand up
to it for a whole year and my faith wasn’t strong enough to believe
that God would give me the strength. I didn’t see anything
wrong with my desires, so finally after much thinking on my
part I wrote out a check for $40. I believe that if God were
here Himself, He would have personally written out that check.
LATER: How pitiful it really is. How that my faith isn’t even
strong enough to bravely and confidently ask the ruler over
all things for the strength to give an additional $40 a month. How
dreadful it is.
LATER: Is faith merely sometimes stepping forth and doing
something that Jesus would do if He was on earth? Faith in
this instance, I believe, is stepping out and doing something that
Jesus would have done with the full expectation and knowledge
that all the force of the universe is behind and encompassing that
action (which I took especially today).
Thank You, God!
August 25, 1977
I had prayed that God would reveal to me His wondrous power,
but maybe God wants me to pray and thank Him daily for meeting
my financial needs. Maybe He wants me to see that He is
sufficient from day to day.
August 31, 1977
What is given to God does not come back from Him empty. Give
Him your day with your life included in it and He’ll utilize it.
God knows my very being. With that knowledge there is much
fear and hope included. There is the fear of what I am compared
to God and the hope that He is sufficient for me and my total
being.
Jesus died for me. Soul, never think that He would deny me
some spiritual blessing. Do not think or grow weary in trying
to follow after God. Rest in Him. Tell Him that you are but a shell
and need to be refilled with Himself.
God’s Word is true. That means for the righteous great hope
and also for the unrighteous great despair.
September 1, 1977
God is all sufficient to meet my infinite needs. He delights and
desires when I draw upon His all sufficiency.
September 3, 1977
Had my first answer of winter clothing today.
September 4, 1977
John 15:16 says: Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you,
and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that
your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of
the Father in my name, he may give it you.
In this verse I am:
Divinely chosen
Divinely appointed
Divinely expected
Divinely supplied
I believe that I should put $13 of my $14.08 checking account
into the church as part of my $27 tithe. I was saving that money
for the dentist bill this coming Friday and was praying that God
would supply my tithe. If God is sufficient from day to day, I
should pay Him what I do have toward my regular tithe. In
other words, give what I have now.
September 5, 1977
I went over to the Smith’s tonight. They are having a garage sale
later this week. They invited me to go down and see if I could
wear anything. I found 1 skirt, 3 nice dresses, 1 nice long dress
and 1 pair of shoes!!! (I wear a size 4 shoe.)
God, You’ve overwhelmed me, especially about the shoes.
Today, God, You were more than sufficient.
September 6, 1977
My financial needs:
gasoline money
dentist money
tithe (still owe $14)
I have 25 cents in my purse.
My faith in that God would do wonders for even me is so
very pitiful. I must remember that if God is to be everything
to me, I must be nothing and remember that in either case I
am nothing.
I believe that what I am doing is right, but I feel scared and
am robbing my daily strength because of anxiety.
Where is the God that answered 2 days ago my prayers for
shoes and clothes? He’s been dethroned because of my anxiety.
September 7, 1977
Dear God,
I acknowledge my sin before Thee. I have been proud of
what I’ve been giving. I am exalting in myself and not in You.
Now that I am low on money, I find myself looking for natural
means of You providing. You alone can provide and not me.
God, forgive me.
September 8, 1977
Do I have enough gas to go to work tomorrow? How about
paying the dentist which is also tomorrow? How about gas
going home? Then I’ll need gasoline for next week.
I know my faith isn’t big enough, but am I carrying things
too far? Am I expecting You to provide for something You know
I could find money for? I can either borrow money from Dad,
from my savings account, or cancel my appointment.
When God wants you to do something that you’re afraid of...
hand your fears to Him and step out.
I’m walking on a thin edge of either a slight disaster or
a mighty miracle. I can either look to my own devices or
look to God. I feel like He wants and expects me
to look to Him. Though I’m very shaky on faith, I choose
(with God’s help) to look toward Him for my deliverance.
September 9, 1977
Boy! I’ve learned a lot today. Bible study today included
Psalms 78 (talks about the children of Israel doubting God).
I began to see that it is a fearful thing to doubt God. I then
got out George Muller’s book about answered prayer. He
talked about we should look to God and not to ourselves or
men. He talked about the excitement of gripping tests of faith.
With all this in mind, I went to work today with no checks
and only 3 cents cash.
At the dentist office, I really wasn’t sure what I should do...
when to reveal that I had no money. The sign above the
counter said:
1. Cash
2. Check
3. Mastercharge
4. Bank Americard
I sat down. Should I tell a nurse I had no check? By doing
this I would be forfeiting my appointment.
I was called to Dr. Green’s office. Sitting down into the chair,
I opened my purse as if to take out a tissue. I told Dr. Green,
“Better wait a minute...my checkbook isn’t with me! I guess you’ll
have to reschedule my appointment.”
Dr. Green replied, “No trouble. We’ll just send you a bill.”
I arrived safely home without running out of gas. God
was again sufficient.
September 10, 1977
I ended up at the Smith’s garage sale intending to give all
my proceeds to God. It was a super slow day in sales. I sold
a $2.50 book. Sharon and Susan then wanted me to take
them to get a hamburger. I just couldn’t say no...not
to a simple request.
Only God will show me in eternity if it was because of doubt
in Him that I put $2.00 into buying gas.
I came home with lots of clothes. God was sufficient in giving
me clothes, but only He knows who supplied the money for gas...
Him or myself.
September 11, 1977
I feel tired tonight. I probably have enough gas for the round
trip to work tomorrow. Pay day is the 15th.
September 12, 1977
I’m afraid that I am tempting God to do something I can do
myself, but I’m also afraid that if I step in and save myself
I’ll possibly let myself out of a miracle.
Indications seem to say “Forge ahead!!!” My mind,
however, yells, “Danger!!”
After some considerations, however, I’ve discovered that
I’m kinda proud of the whole thing. Because of this pride,
I’ve decided to pull out of this episode. Tomorrow morning
I’ll borrow from Dad. There is time later to try God.
But still today, God was sufficient.
September 17, 1977
I have been reading some missionary biographies. There are
countless millions that are destined for hell. I have decided
to quite saving any more money. I can no longer continue
saving for a rainy day when souls in the world are parched
and dying for want of the Gospel.
God will not spurn my gift of love to Him.
My mind keeps going back to the feeding of the 5,000.
What was enough to accommodate one person’s need for a
while when placed in God’s hands was used to accommodate
5,000. That also can be true in the case of money.
NOTE: About the end of September, I withdrew from my
savings account about $800. I left about $500 in the bank.
I then proceeded to invest the $800 into Christian organizations.
I also decided to use some of the money to help sponsor an
hour’s program into China. I paid for 7 months in advance.
September 17, 1977
Dear God,
Within a short period of time I will cease from saving any
more money.
Whether what I am doing is Your best will for my life, I do
not know. But this one thing I do know - my gift is small
but Thou wilt not spurn a gift of love to Thee.
October 2, 1977
With some money from the bank, I have also given $120 for
120 Bibles to Russia.
October 7, 1977
Here I am before the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords,
the creator of all things, the One who is eternal, the One
who is all sufficient. Here I am sitting before God, rolling
up my hair, and talking to Him.
You know, that just shows how magnificent He is.
He wants to be included into every moment of my life.
October 17, 1977
I asked for an hour sponsorship into Indonesia, Cambodia,
Burma, Laos, Pakistan, and Mongolia.
I then asked God for help on my carburetor payment and
I need a new heater for my car or at least get my old one
fixed. (My heater didn’t work very much the winter before.)
When Jesus gave His all on the cross, that was sufficient
for the entire world’s past, present, and future sins.
If I were to give my all in money, it wouldn’t do much
to help the world’s needs.
November 6, 1977
I am feeling the pain of sacrifice. I know what I am
doing is right, but this pay check has been hard on me.
(I get paid twice a month.) There were car repairs,
a flower to buy and the $10 to a mission. I ate twice
at fast food places, spent $2.50 for a group wedding present,
spent 70 cents at work, and after filling my car with gas,
I have less than $2. That money has to last me until the
15th of this month. I still owe Dad $57 for car repairs.
I have 3 pay checks till Christmas.
God, be sufficient and fill my gap.
One consolation, however, you can never give too much
to God, but you can give too little.
November 7, 1977
I read this morning some of Tramp for The Lord aloud
to Dad. Tears streamed down my face at the story of
the Russian woman who typed Christian literature
with one finger.
I am sure I would weep with joy if I knew what a blessing
my money is to other people.
Thank you, God, for the privilege of giving to Your work.
Just help me to keep the rest of the world in my mind.
If I keep my money, it only does me good. If I give my
money to You, it does so much more.
November 9, 1977
There are many types of sacrifice.
November 14, 1977
I have again taken stock of my income through now and
the end of December. If I watch it, I will have enough
money to meet my debts and perhaps enough for gasoline.
I’ll have no money for Christmas presents. The car bill
has broken my purse. I am now, though, in the right
position to see God intervene on my behalf.
November 17, 1977
What I’m doing, I’m not really sure. I owed God $20
so I sent an extra $20 to some missionaries. Dad has a
$50 check of mine to help pay some of the $107 car bill
of mine. He hasn’t cashed it yet. So today I wrote out a
$50 check to Miss Dodger. I didn’t tell her I did not
have the funds in the bank. I just told her though I
did not have the money to spare SHE might
have needs coming up due to the Christmas season.
Before the month is over “I’ll need possibly more gas;
I’ll for sure need to buy my car tag which costs $16.25.
While contemplating giving this $50 to Miss Dodger, I
thought maybe God was challenging me to see if I
was willing to trust and go all the way with Him.
I’m giving a lot, but I somehow feel through this experience
that there is still much to learn and give. There is much
to experiment in giving.
I feel somehow like I’ve exalted God in this action - like I’m
allowing Him to take control.
November 18, 1977
God, my money and I are backed off. Please come into this
dire strait of mine and “be Thou exalted in Thine own strength.”
Psalms 21:13
God and I are joined together throughout all eternity.
WHAT I NEED FROM GOD
1. money to cover my checks - $50
2. would like $57 to pay back Dad
3. need $16.25 for car tag
4. need gas money
5. need eating money
6. need Christmas money
7. desire spending money
8. desire money for Ann (a woman from work)
9. desire heater to work
What is most pressing? 1, 3 and then 4.
November 19, 1977
I called Miss Dodger. She said she was praying about
the check I gave her and had not yet deposited it. I told
her to continue praying and when God gave her peace she
could then deposit it.
Dad asked me today when were we going to buy car tags.
I said either this coming Wednesday or Friday. I only have
about $5 for the tag...it will cost $16.25.
One thing, though, when driving Dad to his dinner party,
he said to remind him and he would put some gas in my car.
November 20, 1977
Woke up this morning and was suddenly impressed to start
sponsorship of six 15 minute programs (see Oct. 17). That
would cost an additional $30 per month. I don’t have the money
to spare. In fact, I don’t have that money at all. I just think
I ought to send it, however.
November 21, 1977
(Letter I almost sent today along with $30 check for 6
new sponsorships.)
Gentlemen:
Enclosed is a check for $30 to cover the sponsorship of 6
fifteen minute programs to:
Indonesia, Cambodia, Burma, Laos, Pakistan, and Mongolia
I wanted to give this money in October but I did not have
the money to spare. This is almost the end of November
and frankly, this is a bad check. I do not know if I am
going way ahead of God or not, but I feel I should send
this check now. If this is of God and He wants me
to expand my sponsorship, He’ll keep this check
from bouncing.
This is a leap of faith.
(I DID NOT SEND THIS LETTER WITH THE
SPONSORSHIP MONEY. I THOUGHT IT WOULD NOT
BE HONORING TO GOD. I JUST SENT THEM THE MONEY
AND WHAT IT WAS FOR.)
I SENT THE MONEY OFF IN MONDAY MORNING’S MAIL.
WHEN I ARRIVED HOME FROM WORK, A LETTER WAS
IN THE MAIL. THE LETTER CONTAINED A CHECK I
HAD GIVEN TO A MISSION. A PART OF THE CHECK
CONTAINED CHRISTMAS MONEY FOR MISSIONARIES.
See November 17. THE MISSION WANTED 2 SEPARATE
CHECKS - ONE FOR TAX DEDUCTIBLE PURPOSES AND
ONE FOR THE CHRISTMAS GIFT.
Because of this returned check, my $30 check which I sent
off this morning won’t bounce. If I delay sending back this
money until about the end of this month, I’ll be able to buy
my car tag.
Joe called tonight saying he was bringing by some typing
he wants me to do for him.
November 28, 1977
Joe came by and picked up his paper I had typed.
He gave me $4.
December 1, 1977
God, I believe what I am doing in giving is what You want
me to do, but I realize I might be surging far ahead and off
the track from You. I want You to lead and bless me. God,
my needs are no different than what my own earthly father
would willingly give me, but I come to You instead.
December 4, 1977
This past Friday, Dad had me take my car over to the car garage
to see about my heater. I had been praying about heat for my car
and I had thought about taking it over for repair but I thought
(or presumed) that I would not have the money for the repairs.
Dad unintentionally overruled my thoughts and my car went in
for repair. Something just needed blown free of dirt. My heater
now works!!!
Today Dad came in a little disgusted because the guys who worked
on my car decided not to charge me anything for the job. Dad knew
the guys had spent about an half hour working on my car and he
thought they were cheating themselves a little by not charging
anything. However, I had been praying that the repairs would not
cost me anything.
December 6, 1977
Last night I called Miss Dodger. We laughed until we were
exhausted about our present poverty and lack of possible
means of correcting it. She has so many needs that I don’t
have to worry about. She has house rent, her car insurance
is coming up, she needs transportation money to go home for
Christmas and then there are the Christmas gifts to purchase.
We laughed when it was suggested that we should go shopping
together. That’s not really such a bad idea, though, setting aside
a shopping date. My next check will cover completely Miss Dodger’s
check. Then all I actually must have is gasoline money and
spending money for gifts.
I called Miss Dodger today at work. She had thought about
the same thing in setting aside a shopping date. We are going
to go a week from yesterday.
December 7, 1977
I went to the grocery store today and won $1. That now makes
my cash reserves $5. I’ll definitely need gas before the 15th.
Tomorrow I am supposed to go out and eat with the other clerks
from work. I had suggested the idea months earlier. Unless
God steps in and gives me an additional $3 or $4, I don’t think
I’ll even go. It’s a desire and not a need. Tonight I’m so tired,
but I do thank You, God.
December 8, 1977
We had an ice store today; dinner was canceled.
Miss Dodger called and said she’d received $100 in the mail.
She’ll be able to pay her air ticket home. We’re also going
shopping Monday. We’ve never done anything like this before
and we don’t like just widow shopping. Generally it’s either
go buy or don’t go at all. But we feel this time we ought to go.
It might just mean tallying the price of items we want to buy and
then praying to God about the total cost.
The experience is interesting.
December 9, 1977
Today Mrs. Thomas, a woman from work, wanted to know
how much I charge for typing. She said she has some small
paper for me to type.
I haven’t even seen the paper that she wants me to type, but
I’m already mentally counting the extra few dollars she’ll
give me. The Bible indicates we should not put trust in man.
We tend to trust man but doubt God.
December 13, 1977
Oh my! Yesterday I typed the paper for Mrs. Thomas.
She and I talked about a cost of $2.00 for the job. She did not
have the correct change when it came to pay for the typing.
She asked me if I needed the money right then and I said no!!!
Then last night Miss Dodger came over for supper and said
her car insurance is all paid for and she had extra Christmas
shopping money. We then went shopping. I had some paper
and a pen for writing down items I might want to buy later
for gifts. Miss Dodger spent a total of $1.01.
The idea struck us both that she might end up returning
my check because God is answering all of her big needs
and she actually has no present need for my money. Upon
pondering this idea I thought it is not impossible in God’s dealings.
This morning I almost didn’t wake in time for devotions. I
automatically decided that the Devil didn’t want me up. At
first I was sluggish, but after some extracurricular reading
from The Triumph of John and Betty Stam, it ended
up to be a morning of re-dedication.
I really felt close to God during my lunch hour. I’ve learned
so much!!! This afternoon Mrs. Thomas came and gave me $3
for the paper. She didn’t think $2 was enough to pay me.
I later talked to Miss Dodger and she is giving the $50 back.
Next Monday we’re getting together for a time of praise.
This evening Joe brought by a paper he wants me to type.
I feel like that I’ve made or rather experienced a complete
round with God.
I have what I have because of God’s love and tender mercy
towards me. Just as I had no control over His gift of His Son
to earth, I had no control over these financial gifts.
December 23, 1977
I had prayed that God would reimburse the $50 that Miss Dodger
gave back to me. Sunday evening, December 18, her church gave
her $50.
This past Tuesday, December 20, Joe gave me $18 for the typing
I’d done.
Until God shows me something else, my goal in life is to give as
much as I can to God. However, it would be a special blessing
to inspire others along the way--multiply what I cannot
do.
My one passion is to give financially. God, now turn that
same passion into other areas like praying, leading souls
to Christ, etc.
On second thought, a person can only have 1 passion. A
person cannot have multiple passions. I guess that is why it is
said man’s chief end is to glorify God. A man dedicated
to that idea would indeed glorify God for he would not want
anything else. All else would become as nothing.
Things would be weighed and their motives and aims
scrutinized.
We depend on God for breath, food, water, etc.
Everything we have and are a sign (but usually exists as
an under current) of dependence on God. A quick sure sign
of dependence on God can be brought to the surface by
the smallness or emptiness of the purse. The providing of
food, clothes, necessities, money, etc., by God quickly
brings Him, His sufficiency, His love, and His power into
focus. This also brings to light some of our relationship to Him.
I mean, helps to show us what is lacking in our trust, what hidden
sins there might be, how wastefully we spend our money, etc.
December 29, 1977
I talked to Miss Dodger today. A cousin of hers gave her $50
during her trip home for Christmas. Before Miss Dodger went
home to her parents for Christmas she’d been having trouble
with her car brakes. She had them fixed when she returned
from the Christmas holidays. Her car bill? $50.72.
God, I would like a black purse that does not rattle like mine
now does.
NOTE: After the New Year’s I was so happy in God,
I started another 15 minute program sponsorship...this time
into Afghanistan. I had been thinking about it since the end
of November.
January 5, 1978
Today, Susan called and said that if I didn’t find a black purse
her mom had one she hardly used.
God, how do I say “stop” on giving?
NOTE FOR THE FOLLOWING: I had a dentist appointment
scheduled for Friday, January 13, 1978, it was pay day. I had
no money to spare for the dental appointment. I prayed about the
problem before January 13 arrived. My dental appointment
was scheduled for 3:30 p.m. At 3:00 on January 13 my boss
indicated that when he was free in just a few minutes he had
some short dictation work he wanted done. I thought this might
be God’s way of helping me out. So I called and rescheduled
my appointment the following Friday, January 20, 1978. My
boss never did give me any dictation that day.
Knowing that my next appointment was on January 20, I
continued to pray about the lack of finances. I prayed, but I also
ontinued to worry. I felt I was free to just cancel my appointment
entirely until a later date when I KNEW I did have the money.
Yet, if I did that, I felt I would not be letting God have a chance
to show me what He COULD DO to help me out.
On the morning of Tuesday, January 17, 1978, with my dad ill in bed,
I wrote the following in my diary before I left for work. I was trying
to look up verses pertaining to God helping us out and by doing this
I was trying to give myself confidence.
January 17, 1978
God, you are able to do a lot for that man who trusts in Thee.
Jer 33:3 - Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee
great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.
Luke 6:38 - Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure,
pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men
give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye
mete withal it shall be measured to you again.
Matt 15:32-38 - Then Jesus called his disciples unto him, and
said, I have compassion on the multitude, because they continue
with me now three days, and have nothing to eat: and I will not
send them away fasting, lest they faint in the way. And his
disciples say unto him, Whence should we have so much bread
in the wilderness, as to fill so great a multitude? And Jesus saith
unto them, How many loaves have ye? And they said, Seven, and
a few little fishes. And he commanded the multitude to sit
down on the ground. And he took the seven loaves and the fishes,
and gave thanks, and brake them, and gave to his disciples, and
the disciples to the multitude. And they did all eat, and were filled:
and they took up of the broken meat that was left seven baskets full.
And they that did eat were four thousand men, beside women
and children.
Rom 5:20-21 - Moreover the law entered, that the offence
might abound. But where sin abounded, grace did much more
abound: That as sin hath reigned unto death, even so might grace
reign through righteousness unto eternal life by Jesus Christ
our Lord.
Matt 6:8 - Be not ye therefore like unto them: for your Father
knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him.
Matt 6:33 - But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his
righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
Matt 7:7-11 - Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall
find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one
that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him
that knocketh it shall be opened. Or what man is there of you,
whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone? Or if he
ask a fish, will he give him a serpent? If ye then, being evil, know
how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall
your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that
ask him?
Phil 4:6 - Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer
and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made
known unto God.
Phil 4:19 - But my God shall supply all your need according
to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.
NOTE: After work I came home and fixed supper for myself.
I felt tired and ached. Suddenly I realized I was coming
down sick. (In about 4 years of work, I’d only been ill 1 1/2 days.)
At about 5:30 p.m. I went upstairs, dressed in warm clothing,
and crawled into bed. Between dozings, I contemplated
the problem I had coming up with the dental appointment.
Should I borrow money from Dad? Should I cancel it?
Would God give me the money? Would the doctor cancel
it himself?
About 11:00 p.m. I began to think of some Bible verses.
With much coaxing on my part, I turned on my bedside light,
got up, got out my Bible Concordance, my Bible, and my diary.
I then wrote the following:
Eph 3:20 - Now unto him that is able to do exceeding
abundantly above all that we ask or think, according
to the power that worketh in us,
Isa 45:11 - Thus saith the LORD, the Holy One of Israel,
and his Maker, Ask me of things to come concerning my sons,
and concerning the work of my hands command ye me.
Ps 62:11 - God hath spoken once; twice have I heard this;
that power belongeth unto God.
....would like to start sponsorship into Nepal and Tibet.
Ps 34:10 - The young lions do lack, and suffer hunger:
but they that seek the LORD shall not want any good thing.
Ps 84:11 - For the LORD God is a sun and shield:
the LORD will give grace and glory: no good
thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly.
Rom 8:28 - And we know that all things work together
for good to them that love God, to them who are the called
according to his purpose.
2 Pet 1:4 - Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and
precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of
the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is
in the world through lust.
NOTE: It wasn’t until Wednesday afternoon as I was lying
in bed ill reading some missionary tales that I realized my
sickness was God’s way out for me. I had such a bad cough
that it would have been useless for me to go to the dentist
even if I did have the money.
January 19, 1978
...God is good at juggling things around. I still have many
needs, but I have an all sufficient God.
February 5, 1978
God, my goal in life is to give You more and more money, but
last night while I was taking a bath I thought the following.
Suppose when I’m in Heaven I’d say, “Lord, see the money
I gave to You?” Oh the despair that would come over me
if You’d say, “Yes, but this (?) is what I had planned for you
to do.” Though I love giving to You, I don’t want to possibly
hear You say, “That’s not what I wanted you to do.”
I find it hard to relinquish my goal of giving You more and
more money, but I want to do what You want. Though it
seems like I could not endure the pain of having to give up
my desires and goals in giving, I must realize if I’m open
to You, You’ll create in me the desires to do Your will.
I’m just like a seed planted in the ground, peeping its head
out of the earth, then growing upwards toward the sun’s light.
Lead, oh God, toward Thy Son’s will.
Implant into my soul, Thine own desires, O Lord, then do not
let anything stunt their growth.
NOTE: At the end of February, I received my Federal Tax Refund
back. I didn’t know what to do with so much money. I used some
of it to pay two more months of my China sponsorship (see note of
October 2, 1977). I also decided to pay totally at one time a year’s
support of 2 one-half hour programs....Cambodia and China
were the countries chosen.
However, at the end of March, I really wanted to go on a
shopping spree.
some time in March of 1978
I love God, but I feel at odds with Him. Last week I felt so up....
this must be a battle with Satan. I have about a dollar in change,
less than a 1/2 tank of gas, and owe Dad $10. I need to make a
dentist appointment and I want to buy a spring purse.
Sharon went with me as I shopped for shoes (with Dad’s money)
and God in His lovingkindness and mercy and love brought
to my attention a pair of $7.00 shoes (originally $24). They are
mine now.
God, help me to keep my mind and life pure; please either
give me a spring purse or the money and God give me shopping
money and gas money.
God, I do need You. God there is something in me at war with
You, but I acknowledge that it is You that I want to be right with.
I want to be able to talk with You face to face.
March 30, 1978
Five dollars sent to a mission would send 20 micro Bibles
through the mail into Russia.
Five dollars a month would help 20 people per month
receive Bibles.
The past two weeks have been very hard on me. I’ve been
wanting to buy a lot of clothes and go on a big vacation. I’ll be
lucky if I even get to go to the mission conference this summer.
God has shown me that I could make some of my own clothes;
that would be cheaper than buying.
I might take a big vacation next year, but right now I’m getting
myself back to looking at God, my money, and the world’s need.
I really enjoy giving, but it is pretty hard on me sometimes.
Maybe I’m over doing it, but I know I am placing my money
in safe hands. God is my “broker” so to speak. I’m investing
in souls. I’m investing in their salvation, strength, comfort, renewal....
March 31, 1978
Last night before going to bed, I read an old National Geographic
Magazine article on Vietnam and also one on Laos. While I was asleep,
I dreamt I was in a communist controlled country and trying to flee.
Now I don’t remember the outcome of the dream, but I do remember
thinking I was experiencing some of the horrors that others have been
forced to face.
Joe is supposed to pay me today for the typing I’ve done for him
the past couple of months. I need to pay Dad back a total of $30
and what is left over (if there is any left over for I do not know what
Joe is going to pay me) I want to give to a mission to help pay for
micro Bibles.
LATER: Joe gave me $33. Now, however, something has gone
wrong with my car and the estimated repairs will be about $25.
God, I feel very alive today.
Giving so that it helps spread the Gospel is a very important
part of me.
Out of this pay check today, I owe the following:
$150 to a mission, $27 to church, $30 to Dad, $25 (?) for car repair,
? for dentist appointment
a total of $232 plus?
Money on hand - $258.21. I’ll also need to buy gas.
God, remember Philippines 4:19 - But my God shall supply all
your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.
I believe that it is an expression of fact based upon faith.
LATER: I’ve been considering whether I should go ahead and
give the extra money from the typing to a mission.
I believe that I will go ahead and give the balance of what is left
out of Joe’s month ($13 to be exact) and give to the mission even
though I cannot afford it. The Devil can always throw up road blocks
when we want to advance. My God shall safely deliver me to
my scheduled destination.
I purposed in my heart to give and that is what I’ll do. Forty
souls could be touched by this gift. Thirteen dollars will not break
and ruin me for life...but if I try to protect and save myself, 40
people who need Bibles will suffer loss. Shall 40 people be lost
because of 1? No!
God, please let me be no man’s debtor.
April 7, 1978
I’ve been doubting, or rather questioning, if God expects me
to be giving a lot of money. Right now my total giving
(includes tithe to church) is $294 per month. Giving this much
is like a yoke around my neck....but I willingly embrace it.
2 Cor 9:7-8 - Every man according as he purposeth in his heart,
so let him give; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth
a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound toward
you; that ye, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound
to every good work:
I believe these two verses could be loosely translated:
“I give cheerfully to God and God in love upholds me.”
As of the expenses of 3/31/78, I gave:
$150 to the mission, $27 to church, $10 to Dad, 20 for car repair,
$15 for dentist, and $13 for the Bibles to Russia
I can put $7 in my car for gas and have $3 left over. I still
owe Dad, however.
April 10, 1978
Is it possible that God wants me to give what I am giving? Is
He utilizing me in this mission? If that is actually the truth, I
dare not withdraw if even I wanted to do so.
Is it possible that all my extra giving is God working through me?
It is not necessarily me giving God a gift. My willingness to give
is used by God to further His own desires. In other words,
am I just a vessel being used by Him?
Sunday morning I found myself thinking about Nepal and Tibet.
(See January 17.)
God, I don’t understand myself. I would like to save some money
(to please mostly Dad) and have more money for myself and close
friends, but I still want to give what I am now and also enlarge
my giving ministry. Giving is my main desire. God, I also would
like the chance to visit a nation or lands in which I’m giving to.
God, I love You and I love what I’m doing.
God, I do not know when to stay my hand on giving.
God, help me maintain my ministry of giving and may I also
enlarge my giving. May I also have some vacation money?
April 16, 1978
There are a lot of charitable Christian organizations in the world.
When Jesus comes, we’ll see how God was glorified. God is indeed
doing a great work today even though it seems like a gigantic jigsaw
puzzle.
April 19, 1978
God, when I was experimenting on giving to You, I though it
was fun. But now that I’m giving You $304 a month, it is no longer
fun, but I consider it a privilege to be able to continue at it. Yet, God,
if need be, take away my gift of giving and my ability to give...but just
let me have You. Let me come in contact with You. It’s You that I want.
God, my desire is to give and give to missions and if possible, to increase
my giving and inspire others to give. Yet, it is not I that is giving but You.
I am just the tool, but I consider it a privilege to be a tool used by You.
April 24, 1978
I’m to do about a 6-12 page paper for Joan, a lady from work.
God, I’ve read my diary and I was so close to You during my extreme
financial strait around Christmas; I want the same closeness. I feel
like I’m missing something - missing an adventure with You. Yet,
I’ve been saying recently to You, “Give me financial breathing room.”
God, help me.
April 27, 1978
Today I received $15 from Joan for the typing I’d done for her.
There was an article in the paper today that said rebel forces had
overthrown and killed the President of Afghanistan. In January
of this year I started a 15 minute sponsorship into that country.
April 29, 1978
I paid Dad back the $20 I owed him.
God, are You anxious for us to receive the things You have prepared
for us in Heaven?
April 30, 1978
I feel like I’m about to enter into another adventure with God.
Pay day is two weeks from tomorrow. My car is full of gas and I
have $2.00 left. I’m supposed to go shopping with my aunt
this Saturday and Susan wants me to go to YFC that same day.
This is all fine, but it is going to cost a lot of gas. If I play it carefully,
I’ll have enough gas until pay day but not if I do this extra
driving.
However, I feel alive, God. I want to again look and trust and wait
and expect for You to act.
I had a thought today on the feeding of the 5,000 men. If somebody
had offered Jesus the 5 thousand loaves and fishes, it would not have
suited His purpose. It was the boy’s small lunch that He wanted to use.
May 6, 1978
I was so worried last night. Susan has a friend she wanted to take to
Youth for Christ tonight. That means extra driving, stopping off to
get a coke, and having money in my purse in case I have car trouble.
I only have 20 cents in my purse now and I have a little over
$2 in my checking account. I have to go over on the bus Tuesday
to downtown for work related business and I’ll need that $2.
I worried last night how this was going to work out. How do I say
that I don’t have enough money for a coke? Should I borrow
the money from Dad? I also have a wedding shower I need to go to,
but that isn’t until the 12th. I don’t have any funds for that either.
Then what do I do if my aunt wants to go shopping next week and
I don’t have gasoline for that?
Well, anyway, that’s what I thought about last night in bed.
This morning I thought again of my paraphrase portion
of II Corinthians 9:7-8. That gave me a little more comfort.
It started raining so my aunt called me up and called shopping
off today. The house was all quiet and I spent most of the day
typing up this diary.
Then I went out to the mail and my state income tax refund
came in - all $68.72 worth. I had sent it in a little over 3 weeks
ago - a few days before the deadline. I wasn’t expecting it back
so soon.
God, I was planning on putting that money back to use on my
vacation if I get to go to the mission’s conference in July.
Am I at liberty to use some of it now, God?
May 7, 1978
I ate supper at the Smith’s last night. While we were eating it
started raining very hard. Mr. and Mrs. Smith thought it would
be wise if we canceled our plans to go to Youth for Christ.
However the friend of Susan really wanted to go and suggested
that her own dad could take us to a bus that carries kids over
to YFC. That’s what we did. I didn’t have to use the gasoline to
drive and Mr. Smith even paid the 50 cents bus fare for me.
Since I had my refund check, I didn’t think it was wrong to borrow
from Dad. I’ll be able to pay him back as soon as I deposit the check.
While at YFC I bought a $5 book and a 35 cents coke.
Today, I found out that the wedding shower isn’t until the 25th
(after my next pay check). I also bought today $4.53 worth
of typing paper and ribbon.
I’ve also decided to start sponsorship of a 15 minute program
into Turkey.
Monday, May 8, 1978
I don’t know what to do. A missionary family is coming home
soon on furlough. Our church has been asking the congregation
for the past month to help provide some of the transportation
money for this worthy family. I’ve had nothing to spare until now.
I feel like I want to give them some money, but the refund money
is all I have toward attending the conference in July. I love
that mission and I don’t want to miss their conference. However,
the conference isn’t until July and the missionary family needs
transportation money NOW.
May 9, 1978
I made up my mind while having devotions this morning to give
what is left of my refund money to the missionary family. I have
$55.52 to give toward their transportation fund. It was a hard
decision to make because I’m giving away all the money I have
instead of keeping it for something I really want. The decision
was really tough to make because that means I am risking
the chance of not going to the conference this summer. I believe,
however, that my decision pleased God. I’ve had much sweet
communication with Him today and my spirit just seems to
have leapt with joy. Today was the day I went down town on
work related business. I rode the bus over and back and today
was very much a day of quiet spiritual reflection, re-dedication and
joyfulness.
May 10, 1978
I slipped quietly into the church office before prayer meeting and
gave the church secretary my check to help toward the transportation
fund. I felt very much a feeling of excitement in this action. That
check represents the only financial aid yet in being able to go to
the conference. In giving that check away, I am falling entirely
upon God for help in my vacation funds.
God promises to help our needs. But is going in July a need?
God can help me if He chooses.
Will He?
June 3, 1978
I haven’t yet started sponsorship into Turkey.
June 4, 1978
See copy of letter I sent -
Dear Dr. :
I knew you would appreciate the telling of something which
just happened to me.
I’ve been planning on attending the conference in July; the only
thing that has been lacking has been the funds. On the Monday
before Memorial Day I started meeting with a great friend of
mine for a weekly evening of prayer. On that evening, she asked
me if I had a figure on the costs of the meetings in July.
I gave the following: $105 for transportation, $30 for lodging,
$15 for the buying of books, $30 for food (to treat those who
treated me last year), $30 for God, and $5 registration. As you
can see, some of the requests were desires and not needs.
On Friday, May 26 I decided to hold a yard sale on Saturday,
June 3. On Monday, May 29 we again met for prayer; it was
the second time. On Tuesday, May 30 because of pay day and with
God’s help I was able to set aside $5 for registration. All that week
I fought a battle of trying to trust only in God and leaving
everything up to Him and not worrying about anything.
I told God that my mind wanted the money as soon as possible
because I really wanted to go to the conference and I didn’t
want to worry about whether I was going to or not. I knew,
however, that my soul and heart could use the experience
of waiting patiently until God acted. I wanted God
alone to help me, but I found myself almost like a bird beating
its wings against the cage bars trying to obtain freedom.
On Friday, June 2 I sold $40 worth of things. I knew then that I
had enough for my lodging with $10 extra to go toward some of
the other costs I was praying for. but I began to think that perhaps
I should shoot for the transportation cost. I began to pray to God
that perhaps He would let me sell $65 the next day (that would
give a total of $105 which was what I needed for transportation).
On Saturday morning I thought of the verse in Psalms 21:13 -
Be thou exalted, LORD, in thine own strength: so will we sing and
praise thy power.
“Be thou exalted, Lord, in thine own strength.” I knew that even
in a yard sale only God could give the increase. I wrote the verse
down on a piece of paper and taped it to one of the tables that
was outside. It was just a way of acknowledging to God that
whether rain or shine, any money or none, it was all up to Him.
On Saturday evening I counted the money that had been brought
in by God from Friday and Saturday. The total proceeds came
to $117 and a few cents.
It looks like God is willing for me to go to the conference in July.
Yours in Christ,
June 7, 1978
I have a baby-sitting job this coming Saturday. First such job
since April 23, 1977. God, you know what You’re doing, but
would you give me from this job at least $10?
I feel like God is moving mountains.
June 11, 1978 (wee hours of the morning)
Baby-sat from 4:00 p.m. to 12:55 a.m. I received $14.00. That means
I now need only $78.55 before the conference in July.
It was a month ago yesterday on May 10 that I gave $55 to those
returning missionaries. I thought then that I was giving away my
entire help in going. I now have $136.45 towards the conference.
June 15, 1978
Last Friday while reading a book on prayer, I happened to think
that God sometimes provides in unexpected ways. The children
of Israel needed clothing and shoes; so God made it so that they
didn’t wear those articles out. They needed water; so He gave
them water from a rock and not out of the ground.
During the middle of May, I received a letter from the mission
requesting money. I really felt challenged to draw some more
out of the bank. I was afraid to do so, but I felt like I would be
missing a blessing if I didn’t. I withdrew $150.14 and sent it in.
On June 10, 1978, I happened to think about the receipt I had
received and I was confused. Was it possible that they thought
that the extra money I had sent in was my end of the month
payment? If that was the case and they had credited that $150.14
towards my end of the month pledge, that meant I was $150
ahead. (I had sent on June 4 my end of May pledge.)
If that was what was happening, God was juggling my money
around so I would be $150 ahead in my payments.
Well, my thoughts were on the right track. A total of $120.14 w
as credited to where most needed and $30 was credited towards
my regular monthly giving. I don’t know why they chose to credit
the amount of $30 to my sponsorships. The only thing I can come
up with is that I’d been praying for the amount of $30 so I could
give that as an offering during the conference. Well, God provided
the money but in an unexpected way.
Here is where I stand theoretically on my asking of $215.00 -
Cash in Bank - $122.45
Cash on Hand from Baby-sitting - $14.00
Will Receive from Returned Book at Work - $5.00
Being Ahead on Pledges - $30.00
Total - $171.45
If all goes well, I’ll be able to save from my checks the remaining $44.
LATER: I put a total of $54 in bank ($10 was from today’s pay check.)
June 17, 1978
The Bible is explicit about God will take care of our needs. Perhaps I
should be explicit in what I consider my needs and desires are and
then spend more time in thanking God for meeting explicitly those
needs and desires. For instance - my car insurance that is coming
up is a need. I should figure up approximately how much I think
it will be, tell God about the need and the expected cost, and then
start thanking God for meeting it.
June 18, 1978
Ps 59:9 says: Because of his strength will I wait upon thee:
for God is my defence.
In the margin of my Bible I have stated, “doesn’t look to himself
but to God.”
June 20, 1978
I’d been thinking about needing to get some cassette tapes and
batteries to record some of the talks at the conference. I had
begun to think that $20 would do the job.
I went to Miss Dodger’s last night. While seated on the floor,
Miss Dodger said quite unexpectedly that God had laid on
her heart to give me $20. I then told her what I’d been
thinking about on tapes and batteries and told her that I had
just within the past couple of days decided to aim for $20 in
order to get those supplies.
Now her rent is due today and she still needs $25. She has it
in the bank - but she’d prefer that God in some way would
give it to her. It is only natural for me to now ask a special
blessing on Miss Dodger.
June 21, 1978
Miss Dodger received an unexpected gas refund of $19.49.
June 22, 1978
Tomorrow is my birthday. Today Dad gave me $100. I
told him it was too much. I said I’d keep $20. Dad admitted
he had originally thought of giving me $50. I told him again
I’d take just $20. He ended up giving me $40. The total in
my vacation fund? It is now $215.45.
A month from this evening is the first starting date of the conference.
Also, a month ago today was the first day Miss Dodger and I got
together for prayer. When I gave that $55 gift to some
missionaries in May, I knew that with my present monthly
giving there was NO WAY I could come up with money for
the conference. However, God supplied my need!
June 23, 1978
I’m a quarter of a century today and excited at the thought.
It is now 4:45 a.m. I’ve been awake since 2.51 a.m. I’ve been
too excited in God to sleep any more, though I am tired.
I had the following thought. A carpenter does not always
use a hammer. He must sometime lay it aside for a while
to use other instruments and materials. The same is with
God and His tools - Christians.
LATER: I found an advertisement where I can buy cassettes
on sale - 2 for the price of 1. They are the brand I would
have bought anyway.
July 14, 1978
Out of a monthly $50 raise I have $34 left after taxes and such.
I started today an half-hour program into Turkey. My giving
at times seems to be unsound. That monthly program over a
year’s time, I believe, could result in 6 people saved. However,
if I refuse to give....?
I give and You uphold? God, is that really true even to whatever
extent I give? I love giving....and I see the need, but in my giving
am I going overboard than what You’ll back me up? Is there a
danger that I’ll fall on my face financially because of too much
giving? I can’t quite believe that is possible, but of course I
could be wrong.
God, will you help me to obtain so I can give and give more?
I am relying on my strength to give because of my pay check.
I am not relying on God. Forgive me. Oh, God, help me
to remember to let You be God; help me to give You room to exalt
Thyself.
Wednesday, August 9, 1978
I’ve been praying for the mission’s financial needs and I have
also been telling God that I don’t really want to retreat in giving.
Then in prayer this morning I realized that I’ve been carrying the
burden of my lack of being able to give what I want to give. I’ve
been asking God to teach me to obtain so I’ll have more to give.
I’ve not asked God to move among other Christians in the area
of giving. I’ve not asked the Lord of the harvest to raise up
supporters of His work on earth.
I’m cutting down on my giving because it is very hard on me and
yet, I’m crying now because I don’t want to cut down. I’m
distressed at the idea of cutting down on giving, but I’m excited at
the possibility of praying that God will raise up many other supporters.
I’ve given joyfully (and I’ll continue to do so) but I feel that God
wants me to cut down on my giving and advance on
into praying.
I’ve been a giving warrior, now I feel that God wants me to be a
praying warrior. A giving warrior is limited financially and I’ve
felt the pain of tightening the belt. I’ve also experienced
the despair of never having enough to give. However, a praying
warrior cannot experience that limitation unless God is limited.
NOW - QUESTIONS TO ASK WHEN GIVING
1. Is my giving a result of my love of God?
2. Am I giving because I am afraid what John Doe might think?
3. Am I attending a church that is worthy of my financial support?
4. Am I faithfully supporting my church financially?
THEN OTHER QUESTIONS TO ASK WHEN GIVING TO ORGANIZATIONS
1. Why do I want to give to this specific organization?
2. Is it teaching or doing what I believe in?
3. Is it wisely using the money invested in it?
4. Has there been an emotional appeal made by the organization that
does not directly appeal to my spirit?
The above questions are very important questions to ask yourself.
It is also very wise to give where your interests are if you intend to
give faithfully to a certain organization. If you are only interested
in work done among the lepers and yet you give consistently to
an organization that is involved in translating the Bible into other
languages, giving will become a chore and you’ll soon find yourself
not giving cheerfully.
